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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2
ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2:
“justanotherpurplebutterfly:
“artykyn:
“ prideling:
“ gunvolt:
“im going to have a stroke
”
Instead try…
Person A: You know… the thing
Person B: The “thing”?
Person A: Yeah, the thing with the little-! *mutters under their...
gunvolt

im going to have a stroke

prideling

Instead try…

Person A: You know… the thing
Person B: The “thing”?
Person A: Yeah, the thing with the little-! *mutters under their breath* Como es que se llama esa mierda… THE FISHING ROD

artykyn

As someone with multiple bilingual friends where English is not the first language, may I present to you a list of actual incidents I have witnessed:

  • Forgot a word in Spanish, while speaking Spanish to me, but remembered it in English. Became weirdly quiet as they seemed to lose their entire sense of identity.
  • Used a literal translation of a Russian idiomatic expression while speaking English. He actually does this quite regularly, because he somehow genuinely forgets which idioms belong to which language. It usually takes a minute of everyone staring at him in confused silence before he says “….Ah….. that must be a Russian one then….”
  • Had to count backwards for something. Could not count backwards in English. Counted backwards in French under her breath until she got to the number she needed, and then translated it into English.
  • Meant to inform her (French) parents that bread in America is baked with a lot of preservatives. Her brain was still halfway in English Mode so she used the word “préservatifes.” Ended up shocking her parents with the knowledge that apparently, bread in America is full of condoms.
  • Defined a slang term for me……. with another slang term. In the same language. Which I do not speak.
  • Was talking to both me and his mother in English when his mother had to revert to Russian to ask him a question about a word. He said “I don’t know” and turned to me and asked “Is there an English equivalent for Нумизматический?” and it took him a solid minute to realize there was no way I would be able to answer that. Meanwhile his mom quietly chuckled behind his back.
  • Said an expression in English but with Spanish grammar, which turned “How stressful!” into “What stressing!”

Bilingual characters are great but if you’re going to use a linguistic blunder, you have to really understand what they actually blunder over. And it’s usually 10x funnier than “Ooops it’s hard to switch back.”

justanotherpurplebutterfly

I frequently mistake idioms, but since my two languages are close together (Frysian and Dutch) the meaning usually gets across, it’s just vaguely worded. And the thing with using grammar from one language while you speak in the other is also very common!

ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2

I constantly use words form both English and Swedish when speaking to my Swedish friends, and it happens just as often that I forget a word and either google translate it or scream for it in about 10 minuets. Also, when I’m missing a word I sometimes try to describe it and my descriptions are awful (they mostly consist of “the word that like.. you know”)

Source: gunvolt
jaune-chat

ninja---sushi asked:

Did you know that during operation, they sometimes move your intestines out of the way? Like they pick them up and put them on special hooks, while the intestines wiggle around. Also when the doctors are done, they just put them back in randomly. Because the intestines can sort themselves back into place naturally. Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle...

sharky-sharks answered:

What the hell

jaune-chat

Okay, so lemme tell you a story my father told me.  Back when my dad was in college, he (as he likes to say in a humorous fashion) was roommates with professional ex-killers: Vietnam Veterans.  He learned a lot from them and one fellow, who worked as a medic, had a very interesting story about intestines.

A soldier comes in to the hospital having been hit with some shrapnel from a grenade.  The doctors perform surgery to repair the damage, but because the wound was lower on the torso, they have to make sure no little bits of shrapnel had perforated any of the small intestine.  Being as the small intestine is about 20 feet long in an adult, it’s a lot to search for a potentially very lethal small hole.  So the surgeons call in everyone trained nearby and basically unpack the intestines, and everyone took a section and looked it over very minutely for damage.  Once it was determined everything was intact, the whole mass of intestines was sort of mounded up in the body cavity.

Then they just squirmed and wiggled into place, like @ninja—sushi said.  Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle…

ninja---sushi

Omg it got better!!

Source: sharky-sharks kinda gross but cool af
sphealrical
lordandgodoftheobvious

“The world is overpopulated.”

Nope.

“Well, that’s just carbon emissions. What about places for all those people to live?”

If the world’s population all lived in one city that was as densely populated as Manhattan, that city would be the size of Ecuador. The space taken up by ourselves and our toys is actually rather insignificant next to that taken up by our farmland.

“Ah-hah! Farmland! We’re not producing enough food for all those people!”

The problem here is we are insanely wasteful with our food.

Firstly, half of all food grown in the US goes straight into the dumpster.

Secondly, we grow it very inefficiently. We could very easily increase the food yield of a given area of land by building a greenhouse on it (which also reduces water loss) and using poly-cultures instead of mono-cultures; the reason our preferred method is open-air mono-culture farms, which are susceptible to erosion and blight and requires a god-awful amount of water to stay hydrated, is that labor is expensive and land is cheap.

In fact, if we took it even further–growing our food in carbon dioxide-rich environments lit with artificial lighting 24 hours a day (or at least at night)–you only need 1-2000 square feet of farmland per person. Admittedly, you pretty much have to have fusion power for this to be an environmentally and economically viable option, but still; the point is, we could easily condense our environmental footprint by a shit-ton (and even more options will be available in the future) without decreasing our population one iota.

“There is still a maximum carrying capacity the planet has.”

Indeed there is. And do you know what that carrying capacity is? It’s ten trillion. And the cut off isn’t space or resources–it’s waste heat. The things we’d have to do to get there aren’t exactly the sort of things we could do overnight–hell, we don’t actually know how to fusion yet–but they’re all well within the realm of the physically possible.

Source: lordandgodoftheobvious